Archive for United States of America
After returning from the 2008 Beijing Olympics, where he stood on China’s soil as a guest of the country and shamefully bad mouthed the way they govern their people, and, where he was caught on camera for the world to see, looking at his watch and grimacing during the opening ceremony of the Olympics, President George W. Dumbass demanded that Russia end, “a dramatic and brutal escalation of violence in Atlanta, Georgia.” Once again embarrassing these United States beyond all comprehension.
This Bastard reporter couldn’t help but sign quietly and lay my face in my hands as I shook my head. I know I was not the only one doing this.
In fact, I guarantee that if all the reporters gathered here had rotten tomatoes, George W. Dumbass would’ve been covered from head to toe in slimy red.
“It is unacceptable that Russia has invaded a neighboring sovereign state,” he continued. “I mean, Georgia is just a couple states away from my ranch in Texas. We just can’t be having this kind of hostility on American soil. I won’t have neuclar (for those of us who can pronounce the word, ‘nuclear’) weapons of mass destruction in Atlanta.
“The Russian government must reverse course and accept peace in this situation. Otherwise, the Georgia crops will be destroyed, raising the price of food even further, and that will cause the price of gasoline to go even higher.”
When a reporter raised his hand and asked how that made any sense what so ever, this country’s President replied, “Trust me. I’m the Commander Guy.”
After which, he gave a goofy smile and laughed to himself.
All in all, this Bastard reporter believes we are seriously up shit creek.
This Bastard reporter was pleased to see a new movement today for equality.
Several homosexuals, both men and women, gathered today in the small, lovely, extravagant, but cost efficient and quite modern office of homosexual Attorney Marcus DoOral.
There were also Transgendered, Bisexual, and Asexual men and women and men/women and women/men in attendance.
The order of business? To finally have equality for all Americans: Either give everyone the right to marry whomever (humans, no animals or inanimate objects) they love, or take the right of marriage away from everyone equally.
Attorney Marcus DoOral has written a petition to be signed by all in favor that states:
1. We the Gay, Lesbian, Transgendered, Bisexual, and Asexual People of the United States of America demand the equal human right to same sex marriage.
2. We the Gay, Lesbian, Transgendered, Bisexual, and Asexual People of the United States of America demand that if the equal human right of same sex marriage is denied us, that all heterosexual marriages be null and void henceforth, providing the equality to all human beings of no marriage rights.
3. We the Gay, Lesbian, Transgendered, Bisexual, and Asexual People of the United States of America will provide this petition with the appropriate number of legal American Citizen signatures, henceforth forcing the Supreme Court to make a final ruling going forward or backward. Or neither in the case of the Asexuals.
When this Bastard reporter asked why Asexuals wanted to be included in this petition, Attorney Marcus DoOral responded with this:
“The Asexual People of the United States of America wish to be included in this petition to prove to Bigoted America and the Supreme Court that just because they don’t have sex with anyone else and don’t wish to marry, doesn’t mean it offends them that others do.”
So there you have it. Equality for all.
This Bastard reporter thoroughly enjoyed the rest of the day drinking tea, having cucumber sandwiches, and gossiping with the likes of a few old queens.