Internet Companies Seeking to Block Child Porn Angers Catholic Church

This Bastard reporter was astounded to find out that the Catholic Church’s outrage over internet child pornography is, in fact, outrage that internet companies are trying to put an end to it.

During a telephone conversation with Father Phukaboy of St. Elsewhere Archdiocese, I learned that the head of the Episcopal Area, Bishop O’Blowapreteen is at work with the rest of the Anglican Communion to put a stop to Google and other Internet servers going through with this plan.

Google has already formed an agreement with Google Brazil to put an end to child porn trafficking on the social networking site, Orkut.

Said Alexandre Hohagen, president of Google in Brazil, “It’s an historic day for our Brazil, the internet, and the entire world.  Now perverts will just have to get their jollies elsewhere.  Look out a window at some kids playing in the street or something.  But, do not touch.  That would be very bad.”

“Initially, Google refused to work with foreign countries,” said Father Phukaboy.  “We thought we were safe because we follow the law of the Vatican.  And if the Vatican says it’s ok because it’s legal in Rome, then we fall under the sanctity of diplomatic immunity within the United States.  So, we basically can have sexual images of any young child we want without punishment.”

“But now,” he continued angrily, “we can’t do a damn thing anymore!  The US Government has come down on us because all those little bastards started tattling on us!  What the hell ever happened to erode the once beautiful relationship between Fathers and Alter Boys?”

Bishop O’Blowapreteen had this say, “You know, there was a time when a member of the Clergy could simply have sex with any child they wanted to.  Those days are now gone.  All we had left was masturbating to kiddy porn.  Now, thanks to Google and other web providers, those days are at an end as well.  It just doesn’t pay to be a Catholic Clergy member anymore.  I think I’ll be retiring soon.”

When this Bastard reporter asked Bishop O’Blowapreteen what his future career choice would be, he simple shrugged his shoulders, licked his lips and replied, “Grade School teacher, of course.”

And there you have it.

This Bastard reporter believes the Catholic Clergy members to be a few pubes shy of pubescence.

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2 Responses to “Internet Companies Seeking to Block Child Porn Angers Catholic Church”

  1. Looks like the Catholic Church needs to create its own search engine, like Find Papalporn.

  2. i like how you write this article.
    Searched by google, now i am inforemd.

    Thank You very much.

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