Donald Roy Siegfried & Diane Sue Whalen’s:
This Bastard reporter had recently been given a handwritten page from an unfinished and unpublished book by none other than Donald Roy Siegfried and Diane Sue Whalen.
The work in progress was given to me by Diane’s son, instead of a copy of the their video, as I had requested, to make duplicates and sell on Ebay.
I will therefore share with you Don and Di’s romantic adventures as written by them.
Top 10 Ways to Seduce Your Dog:
10. Rub a little beef liver between your thighs and lay casually spread eagle with your crotch centered on Lassie’s nose.
9. Smear peanut butter between your human partner’s ass crack and help Fido find it.
8. Dip your wang in honey and let Fifi have a tongue lickin’ good time.
7. Pour as many wine coolers down your dog’s throat as possible and when he’s passed out, shove your dong up his ass and get your jollies before he sobers up and realizes what’s going on.
6. Take your dog out to one of those fancy new restaurants that allow pets and have a lovely supper with lots of praises, deep long kisses, and heavy petting. When you get home from your date, go directly to bed and have hours of passionate love making.
5. When you see a stray starving dog on the street, entice him or her with some food. Slowly coax them into a secluded part of an alleyway and take full advantage of the dog by offering food for sex. This is known as the ‘Prostitute Doggie’ method.
4. Take your lovely pooch to the nude beach and go for a long swim together. Play fetch with a nice soft ten inch dildo until you both become weary. Lay on the sand under an umbrella embraced and slowly put your tongue in your pup’s ear as you reach down for the gold.
2. Teach Rufus how to gently play with your toys.
And the number one way to seduce your dog is:
Put on a mailman’s uniform and give Fluffy your big package.
And there you have it. Now this Bastard reporter is going to take some Alka-Seltzer for nausea and go rest a bit.
*Update: For new info about the dog’s recovery after these two sick perverts….click here: “Sex Dogs Rehabilitated“.