This Bastard reporter just received breaking news from an old chum in Berlin.
The cause of this flight interfering ruckus?
I managed to get both Edina and Patsy on the phone in a three way conversation.
Here is the conversation:
“Eddy, Eddy, Eddy,” said Patsy, “I’ll do the interview.”
“No, darling,” replied Edina, “I want to do the interview, too. But, you go first, ok, darling?”
“Right, sweetie,” said Patsy.
“That bitch troll attendant wouldn’t give us any more booze!, “ exclaimed Patsy.
“Right, darling,” started Edina, “That’s when you went bollocking mad and hit her with your empty vodka bottle. Isn‘t it, darling?”
“Sweetie, darling,” Edina exclaimed, “the damn attendant smelled, sweetie! I was trying to get some fresh air before I passed out!”
“Oh, oh, right darling, “ began Patsy, “The piece of dribble piss smelled like an old prostitute’s vagina!”
“Yes, Sweetie,” said Edina, “And that’s when you, Pats, you tried to open the door to the cockpit and take over the plane. Remember, darling?”
“Oh, Eddy,” Patsy exclaimed, “If only those bastards hadn’t forced us back into our seats! I could’ve flown that plane!”
“And those bloody German policemen everywhere, darling!, “ shouted Edina. “Takin’ us into bloody police custody! Darling, do they not know who we are? Do they not know that I am and always will be PR? Do they not know that you run one of the top…”
“THE TOP, Eddy!, “ Patsy cut in, “THE TOP!”
“Right, Sweetie, “continued Edina, “That you run the top fashion magazine known to man?!
“I mean, who the bloody hell do they think they are?!”
“Those pieces of filth!,” screeched Patsy.
“Yes, Eddy,” replied Patsy, “But now you have to listen to that bitch troll daughter of yours. Remember Eddy, remember what I told you?! Abort! Abort, abort, abort!”
“I know, darling, “ Edina whined, “but, I couldn’t very well abort her after she’d been born, now could I, darling? I mean, with the doctor standing right there holding the baby, darling, and you shouting at him to abort her.”
“Bloody bastard doctor!,” shouted Patsy. “I should’ve done it myself!”
That’s when I knew that it was time to end this conference call, and thanked them for their time.
“Right, cheers, thanks a lot,” responded Patsy.
“Thank you for getting our side of the story, darling,” said Edina. “You know, the true side of it, Sweetie.
“And can I just say one more thing? You can’t buy happiness, darling! You just can’t!”
“But you can bloody well charge it!,” shouted Patsy.
“Quite Right! Cheers, Pats!,” responded Edina.
After that interview, this Bastard reporter believes a quick run to the liquor store isn’t such a bad idea.