Homosexuals File Lawsuit to Ban Heterosexual Marriage

This Bastard reporter was pleased to see a new movement today for equality.

Several homosexuals, both men and women, gathered today in the small, lovely, extravagant, but cost efficient and quite modern office of homosexual Attorney Marcus DoOral.

There were also Transgendered, Bisexual, and Asexual men and women and men/women and women/men in attendance.

The order of business?  To finally have equality for all Americans:  Either give everyone the right to marry whomever (humans, no animals or inanimate objects) they love, or take the right of marriage away from everyone equally.

Attorney Marcus DoOral has written a petition to be signed by all in favor that states:

1.  We the Gay, Lesbian, Transgendered, Bisexual, and Asexual People of the United States of America demand the equal human right to same sex marriage.

2.  We the Gay, Lesbian, Transgendered, Bisexual, and Asexual People of the United States of America demand that if the equal human right of same sex marriage is denied us, that all heterosexual marriages be null and void henceforth, providing the equality to all human beings of no marriage rights.

3.  We the Gay, Lesbian, Transgendered, Bisexual, and Asexual People of the United States of America will provide this petition with the appropriate number of legal American Citizen signatures, henceforth forcing the Supreme Court to make a final ruling going forward or backward.  Or neither in the case of the Asexuals.

When this Bastard reporter asked why Asexuals wanted to be included in this petition, Attorney Marcus DoOral responded with this:

“The Asexual People of the United States of America wish to be included in this petition to prove to Bigoted America and the Supreme Court that just because they don’t have sex with anyone else and don’t wish to marry, doesn’t mean it offends them that others do.”

So there you have it.  Equality for all.
This Bastard reporter thoroughly enjoyed the rest of the day drinking tea, having cucumber sandwiches, and gossiping with the likes of a few old queens.

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One Response to “Homosexuals File Lawsuit to Ban Heterosexual Marriage”

  1. Ok, so when did asexual people, I’m sure a boring lot, become counted in the GLBT movement? That’s just bizarre…

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