Religion Can Suck It

This Bastard reporter was watching one of the world’s best comedians the other night: Kathy Griffin.

Among her top most famous lines is, “Jesus can suck it!”

Well, not being a religious person, I tend to agree.

So, I’ve decided to take time out of your boring day to bring you joy and enlightenment and explain my reasoning:

1. ‘In the Beginning’ ~ What a stupid way to begin a book! How the hell does any human being (and humans wrote this stuff) know for certain that truly was the ‘Beginning’?

2. It had to take some very talented and imaginative people to write these fairytales. I, for one, would never have dreamed up someone’s wife turning into a pillar of salt. Or a sea being parted by an old man with a cane and stone tablets. Not to mention stuffing all those animals into the ‘Ark’. Give me a break!

3. God created the heavens and the Earth in six days, and on the seventh, he rested. What a load of crap! Science has clearly proven that it took an extremely long time for our solar system to form.

4. God then created the Garden of Eden and placed Adam within it. Complete nonsense. Science has also proven that mankind evolved from lesser species of mammal. There was no Adam plucked from the air and plopped down in the middle of a garden.

5. Adam was lonesome. So, God created Eve from one of Adam’s ribs. This fairytale just gets loonier and loonier!

6. God told Adam and Eve, “Don’t eat the apples from that tree.” So, a serpent (supposedly Satan) told them to go ahead and eat all they wanted. What a load! A talking snake? Just a bit far fetched, eh?

7. Adam and Eve ate the apple…and then could magically see that they were naked and became shy! What the fuck?! That’s some apple! What an imagination someone had to write this gibberish!

8. All religion does is cause wars and hatred. If religion is so great, how does one explain that?

And the list of complete nonsense goes on and on…

So you see, in this Bastard reporter’s opinion, the Bible is nothing more than a large group of fairytales written (and rewritten and rewritten and rewritten hundreds of times over millennia) by a large group of very creative people as a guide for adults to help them live their lives by rules that were pertinent to the days in which they were written.

Just as adults have written (and rewritten and rewritten and rewritten) children’s books to teach youth lessons to live by for millennia, so have adults, in ages past, written (and rewritten and rewritten and rewritten) the Bible to give other adults lessons to live by.

However, so many of the lessons the Bible teaches today are archaic and completely out of touch with modern society.

Therefore, this Bastard reporter believes the Bible should once again be rewritten to include the ideals of this new century and its people.

In fact, it should be totally modernized into an action packed thriller. Something worth reading. Something that tells a good story and uses the truth of science instead of the fairytales of some all powerful being.

I mean, a guy dying and coming back from the grave? Really? Sounds like a horror picture to me. Absolutely phony.

All that’s left for this Bastard reporter to say is, “Let’s take religion out of the Bible! Go Science!”


3 Responses to “Religion Can Suck It”

  1. irritatedtulsan Says:

    You sick f#¢&! What is wrong with you? I normally enjoy your blog, but this time I might have to boycott you. How dare you imply man was not created by a higher being and evolution is real. That makes about as much sense as … as … as … I don’t know. I’m too flustered to write a complete thought. Thank you for ruining my day you a$$hº£@!

  2. That’s OK, God doesn’t believe in you either. (I still like you, but your wrong)

  3. I’m boycotting you too.

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