The Good, the Bad, & the Gay Marriage

“I’ve never been happier,” exclaimed film writer, director, and producer, George Lucas, to this Bastard reporter.
“I think it’s the ultimate coming together of the good and the bad. The light and dark sides of the Force.
“Besides, I think Vader (Formerly known as ’Darth Vader’ and now known as ’Deirdre Vader’) and Superman make a beautiful couple.
“I can’t wait to walk the blushing bride…at least I’m sure he’ll be blushing under the helmet…down the aisle.”

Ever since the Supreme Court overturned the ban on Gay Marriage in California last week, there has been an abundance of happy couples registering for their given right to marriage.

Said Governor Ahnold, “I don’t agree wit dis gay stuff. But, I do go wit what da law says. I will, derefore, be at da wedding. A lot of peoples don’t know dis, but, da Terminator was a gay rowbot. I jus didn’t ham it up. I also needed da monies for my exwifes alimonies. Here, haf uh Cuban cigar.”
*Editor’s note: Governor Ahnold is almost entirely impossible to comprehend. Great care was taken to quote him word from unpronounceable word.

Creators of Superman were sent a letter asking them to meet to comment about the lifestyle of their all time number one comic book hero. Unfortunately, they’ve been dead for many years and were unable to attend an interview.

Donatella Versace designed the stunning yellow, white, and pink Lord(ette) Vader wedding attire.
While the Fab 5 of television’s own ‘Queer Eye for the Straight Guy’ created the hot little number for Superman.
Television’s sitcom queen, Roseanne, will be tasked with the décor of the Ice Fortress for the reception afterward.

Said Lordette Deirdre Vader, “Never had I thought the day would come when I would finally marry the man of my dreams. With our combined strength, my Hubby and I will put an end to the destructive forces throughout the galaxy and bring order to the Universe.”

“When I met the love of my life,” began Superman, “I just couldn’t begin to understand all the pain he’d been through. What with the Rebel Alliance. Did you know they blew up his Death Star, not once, but, twice? What kind of sick homophobes are they? Can’t they just leave us alone and let us be who we are? We were born this way!”

Bringing up the loss of both of Vader’s homes to the homophobic Rebel Alliance struck a cord within the mostly machine being.

“You know,” he began, “I really don’t think my son, Luke, truly knew that the Rebels were lead by Sally Kern. I don’t even believe Yoda knew it. If they had, I’m certain none of the destruction would’ve happened.
“Sure, there would still be the fact that I lied to myself and to his mother about my sexuality. But, I know now that he and his sister have been able to cope with that. After all, when we had that little spat and I cut his hand off, he forgave me. And I forgave him for thinking that I was truly dead and burning my body. It was very difficult indeed to use the Force and come back after that little screw up. But, here I am, and I love my children very much.”

When asked about his former heterosexual lovers, Superman only had this to say, “I know I had loves in the past. I even have a son with Lois. But, that was a different time. We weren’t as accepted then. It’s like that Brokeback movie. But we get to have a lovely gay marriage!”

Superman’s son will be the Ring Bearer. Lordette Vader’s son and daughter will be in attendance and hosting the reception afterward.

Highlighting the event will be an Imperial Storm Trooper twenty one light saber salute to the two gaily weds.

All in all, this Bastard reporter believes the galaxy is in good hands.


One Response to “The Good, the Bad, & the Gay Marriage”

  1. irritatedtulsan Says:

    This just proves that there is someone for everyone.

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